Mr. Emmerson...

I came across this on tumblr today. At first I scrolled past it, then did a double-take and shot back to check if I really saw what I thought I saw. Not only was it cited to be from Ralph Waldo EMMERSON (Come on guys, only one "m"), the quote itself made me want to throw a lamp or something.

Well, truthfully, I laughed when I first read it. The thought of finding peace in myself was SO absolutely ridiculous. I've tried it before - I've tried to be happy and content and fulfilled in myself. The ever-faithful result: one hot MESS.

I always come running back to Jesus.

Inevitably, I fall again; I start thinking I can do it by myself again. But Jesus is always waiting for me to return, his eyes brimming over with love, his arms open wide.

No offense to Emerson. He had a lot of good things to say, but many of his circulated Internet quotes and his beliefs about God seem to encourage our self-reliance (Ha.) and sense of human superiority.

Now, there's an ample supply of questionable, out-of-context information on the Internet, so this whole thing shouldn't be so surprising. It seems to signify something much deeper going on in our culture, though - the idea that peace can only be found within. I guess that shouldn't be so surprising either, but the world just keeps breaking my heart over and over. Maybe that means I've given too much of my heart to it. I just want so much for people, you know? I want people to be the best they can be, to live their lives to the fullest, to love each other, to be fully consumed by the knowledge of the everlasting love of their Savior.

It's this deep, deep longing for heaven, I think, that drives this. One of my favorite C.S. Lewis quotes is, "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

I used to drive myself crazy, aching for the world to be perfect. Various summer camps have been the closest glimpse into a flawless world, and often, I would leave wondering why people don't just live like that all the time. It sounds all political, but it just seemed silly that people wouldn't try to live in community, where everyone shares and works for the good of the whole. Thank you, AP Government, I now understand why that is unlikely to happen here on Earth, but it confirmed even MORE in my heart that heaven is gonna be... pretty dang awesome.

I find myself thinking about heaven a lot, mostly when people (myself included!) fight, but especially when people fight about temporary, trivial things. I mean, everyone disagrees... But when we start letting it get between us, we're losing something FAR more valuable than victory in an argument. God put us here to be in relationship with him, and with the people he loves. When we bicker about who gets the biggest piece of cake, we're putting a wall between us and the other party, as well as a wall between us and God. Thankfully that Wall has been torn down, and we can bow before the Throne of Grace unashamed. We cease impacting the world for him, though. We cease showing him to the world. We cease functioning in our purpose.

I have my own problems with petty bickering, of course; my siblings can attest to that! I know I can't hold anyone else more accountable than I hold myself. Sometimes I can feel heaven, though. Talk about hope! Being with Jesus forever... Words just can't stick to such a concept; they all fall short.

Heaven aside, the world we live in is flawed. News flash, right? Yet we still run to it for comfort, or we follow its advice and turn inward, looking to ourselves for peace. The love of Christ is so amazing, isn't it? He loves us even AS we choose the world over him. Not just when we come running back to his embrace, but as we sin, as we reject him, he still loves us.

Nothing can bring you peace but God. We try, we fail, we remember him, we try again. Only when we die to ourselves and live for God can we find true, eternal peace, a peace that is far more precious than the sense of security or tranquility that we muster from ourselves.