Sometimes we let things... rot... when we don't want to deal with them. Homework assignments, relationships, bills, unread emails, skills, talents, dead flies on the window sill, workouts, etc. We get too busy, too lazy, or just too apathetic to do anything. We don't take time to use and develop the skills we have. What if we look dumb? We know those phone calls and emails have to be made. But we put them off. Those dead flies aren't hurting anyone, right? I'll get them later; gotta catch up on Doctor Who. And please. Don't even ask about homework. There'll be time tomorrow during Calculus class to get that Government assignment done (true story). It's probably just me, but whenever I have an issue with someone, it's not my first reaction to go to them and work it out. It's sooo much easier to just avoid them, thereby avoiding the issue entirely. ...Right?
Okay, now that we're all feeling good and guilty! If you made it this far without that one leeeeettle thing coming to mind, without that tiny spark of a guilt trip, I envy you. In all honesty, I could go down that list and run out of ink, checking off all the things that apply to me. Especially the ones dealing with Government class homework.
Seriously, though. Why do we do this to ourselves? We see something bad in our lives, and then just let it sit. Most of the time, we know it's bad for us, or people around us. Maybe we're addicted to it, maybe we're scared of it, maybe it's been there so long that it would hurt to touch it now. Maybe it's just too much work.
Example. I found a spider in my room two weeks ago. Actually, he kinda found me. As I picked up a pair of pants off the floor, Sir Arachnid leapt into the air from his denim cave and scuttled across the carpet. I, of course, chucked the pants with superb grace and fled the room. Not wanting him to discover a humble new abode in my laundry, I returned with a wad of toilet paper, tossed it over the culprit, and plopped an old Tupperware container on that baby to keep him put. And then I graced the container with a rock on top for reinforcement.
Friends. HE'S STILL THERE.
I mean, no big deal, right? There's just a squished spider on my carpet in the middle of my room that's been there for not one, but TWO WEEKS. Yup, he's chilling up there, even as I type this. Maybe this is all an attempt to guilt myself into cleaning it up, along with all the other uh, dead... spiders... in my life.
I guess a metaphor can only stretch so far, huh.
Another (far less revolting) example is college and scholarship applications. I'm really good at starting essays. And then letting them sit. And sit. And sit. Until the deadline is glaring me in the face, and I have to spew out whatever second-rate work I can in the last few minutes. Why do I do this to myself? I know I'm doing it. I know that it will definitely hurt me in the end, yet I keep doing it.
Is it human nature? Is it the American lifestyle? Is it my generation? Is it my upbringing? Is it just me?
Maybe it's not that important, though. Because if I'm being honest, I know how to fix it. I know that I'm really the issue here, and that it's completely within my power to [clean up that spider]/[finish that essay]/[set up a workout tomorrow]/[write that song I've been meaning to write]/[initiate healing in a broken relationship]. I could go do it right now. But I'm blogging about my feelings. Something is wrong here, and it's not America's fault.
I'm a work in progress. The spider is still there. There will always be places in this life where I fall short. Of course, that's never an excuse for me to abuse the grace of God and live recklessly. Rather, it eases my fears and shame when I finally realize that my efforts aren't enough.
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UPDATE: Yesterday, I accidentally knocked over the little dude's prison. He's still alive. I think he was a bit startled at his freedom, as it took him a few seconds to get up to top speed. Before I hastily dropped the container back on top of him, of course. Guys. I'm starting to feel bad for a spider. This is very, very new. You can only imagine all the life lessons I'm getting from this one.
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FINAL UPDATE: Accidentally tipped it over again, and Li'l Dude was gone. Turns out my mom and sister killed him for me.
It's growing up. It happens to everyone.
ReplyDeleteI'm coming at this with the assumption that you're trying to give me productive feedback on my inner struggles, Anon, and not just trying to slap a witty comeback on my blog.
DeleteWith that in mind, I say you're definitely right. Everyone grows up. But does that invalidate my experiences? No one has the exact same growing up experience; therefore, no one comes out of it the same. When are we ever completely grown up? I've known ten-year olds that are more mature in some matters than twenty-four year olds I know. Should that make "growing up" the cop out to all our life problems? I don't think there's a two-sentence answer to questions like this. And I'm not trying to answer them. Sometimes it's alright to leave things hanging - the quick "Band Aid" solutions don't always suffice.
I appreciate you taking the time to comment. I have to say, however, that I really hope I don't know you. I'd be thouroughly ashamed of myself for making a friend feel that they had to hide behind an Anon comment to say what they were thinking.